As I have loved you, love one another...

We moved to L.A. 4 years ago, in May, and we had quite a bit of challenges and MANY adjustments living there. Unfortunately, in those 3 years we lived in L.A., it turn me into someone I did not recognize. I let the people there set a negative example for me. I thought it's just the way to live and the only way to survive there. People rubbed off their: anger, their hustle and bustle, racialism, impatience, selfishness, their fear, their sadness, and greed. All of which is the complete opposite life I had lived prior to our move there.

Some of you know I have been living with anxiety for quite some time. Panic attacks would surface out of nowhere, I would physically and mentally just shut down, get dizzy, throbbing chest pain, nightmares every night, the list can go on... How could I get rid of this consent companion? I have gone to the doctors many times in hope that they would diagnose me with anxiety. But they would just say your healthy, your fine, get some exercise and eat right...yatta, yatta, yatta...

Living here in Minnesota has been such a blessing for our family, more so for me. I have had the time to finally gather myself together and feel like my life is in order. I have had so much time to ponder and live in peace. That is my treasure, peace. I have been reintroducing myself to the gospel, starting from scratch. When I first started, I expected a miracle.  I expected to be healed to feel that peace and comfort I longed for, but I could not find it. I felt so alone... I kept pushing forward, I did the things that the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches. I was still not getting any results... (mind you I have been working on this for about 2 years now).
Some days I found myself just going through the motions just because I knew it was good for me, even though I was not feeling the strength to move on.  Days, weeks, months have gone by and I still was searching for him. I kept telling myself, line upon line, precept upon precept, I will get there. I have had much progression and has felt the comfort of Him. This last week I have slept through the night and best of all my chest pain a gone away completely!!! I can not afford to skip a day of scripture study or prayer, otherwise my anxiety will come back in vengeance.
During Relief Society a week ago, we talked about how the war in heaven is here on earth. This powerful and moving statement mustered up so much strength inside of me to keep pressing forward... Because if I am not moving forward, I am only moving backward.

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I am part of the fellowship unashamed; the dye has been cast. I have stepped over the line, the decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. 
My past is redeemed, my presence makes sense, my future in secure. I am DONE with low living, small talking, colorless dreams, tamed visions, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, positions, promotions, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am uplifted by prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal in heaven.


My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few. My guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the cause of Christ. 


I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me, and when He returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear. 


By Dr. Bob Moorehead
in his book, Words Aptly Spoken

I have met the right people at the right time to help me, that is how the Lord was answering my prayers, and I did not even see it. Because of my grow in the gospel, I have been seeking out those I could help so I could repay my debts to the Lord.

The other night I have been giving an opportunity. Tanner was just put to bed, it was another quiet night, until I heard a man yell at the top of his lungs F...YOU! Steven and I was so shocked and a bit frightened at the tone it was used. Yelling was going back and forth, with banging.
My heart just ached for that man screaming... I know that if this would have happened a year ago, I would have banged the floor, yelling at them to pipe down. I looked at Steven and said, "Oh, that poor man!" I tried to think of his situation and tried to imagine what it is he needs. I am sure there are many things that I can't give him, but what we all need is to know that someone cares and loves them. I don't even know this man, but I feel love for him. So I made some homemade banana bread muffins and thought I would put some on a plate with a note of love, to let him know that he is cared about... I would be devastated if he yelled at me so I am going to ding, dong ditch... In hopes that it will stir something good in his heart!!!

"As I have loved you, love one another"