Happy birthday bubba! Has 5 years really gone by? I can't believe it! I have had such a busy year with your brother Tanner! Oh my, how he keeps me on my toes! We are living in Minnesota now! It is hard for mommy to be so far away from you especially on your birthday! Before our family moved to MN we stopped by to spend some much needed time with you. Tanner enjoyed playing and giving you some flowers that he picked out himself!
These past 5 years have been hard, and even though I would prefer you to be with me I have to say you have given me so much strength in ways I would never have known if you would have survived. Our family is closer, our determination to return to you in undeniable, I love you so much for that! Thank you so much for the temporary moments when I feel you near, they are much needed!
I read this sometime this year, "The most precious jewels a mother will ever wear around her neck are the arms of her children." I take comfort in knowing Tanner has his arms around my neck, but I miss your arms everyday! I try to imagine what it would be like to feel both Tanner and yours around my neck at the same time, but thanks to a dear friend of mine, this will do till we meet again! Now I can keep you around my neck at all times (thank you, Leah!).
I can't believe 5 years ago your Daddy and I held you so tenderly in our hospital room and kissing your soft warm skin. Seeing your perfection was a wonder of God to me. I will always remember how beautiful you were. I will never, ever forget! Your birth was such a bitter sweet blessing in my life. I feel as though my life really started when you came to our family! Over the past years my love has grown for you even though you are not here.
But I hate how your memories fade year after year. Weeks after you were first born I felt as if I had just been to the theater, front row and center, being able to vividly recall your tiny finger nails and the gut wrenching stab of not being able to take you home with us. But as the years pass away I seem to remember this "play" of your's farther and farther back into the rows of the theater. I can still see you on stage, but the sweat and tears are not as dramatic as it was, and it does help lessen the blow.
Through the up and coming years the details that I have of you may be harder to recall, but I want you to know and remember that my love and longing to be with you will never, ever fade! Every time I have to move back a row know that I'm really just trying to see you in a different view. I will never leave your theater until it is time to meet you again back stage.
Happy birthday Austin!! Mommy loves you! We will be blowing out your 5 candles tonight!
Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine!
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